Wait, I’m the expert on parenting teens?!
There is a lot to that little statement. I know a lot about teenagers. I have worked with them for 10+ years. I have read books about them. I’ve spent countless hours in meetings talking about them. I’ve played every game and seen more girls cry than I care to. BUT, there is one thing I have never done, parent them. I became a parent a little over two years ago. Life has changed drastically since then. I love being a parent. It is not easy being a parent. It has also affected the way I see student ministry.
My job as a pastor is to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. (Ephesians 4:12) My job gets more specific because I am asked to work with students from 6th grade until 12th grade. Most of the teenagers that I work with have at least one parent in their life.
So am I really an expert? No…
Let me give you a few ideas:
HONOR & EQUIP
The Bible tells us that the spiritual responsibility of the child is the parents’, not mine. I MUST honor the responsibility given from Scripture. You should never hear me (or any other youth leader) talk badly about a parent to a student. (It happens in my mind sometimes, but that’s where it should stay.) My job is to HONOR the parents for what God has given them. I am on the same team as the parent. A parent knows their student much more than I do. Parents will pay for student’s food, clothes, school and marriage. I MIGHT show up for the wedding if the student remembers me.
I know it’s frustrating, for most student pastors, that parents aren’t “discipling” their teenagers. The one question I have is: who “discipled” the parent? My job as a student pastor is to EQUIP and help the parents make that kind of connection with their teenagers where they can have meaningful and life-changing interactions.
BECOME A TEAMMATE
I love sports. (Just ask my wife, she hates Sportscenter.) I have always played team sports. Families are a lot like teams. Everyone kind of knows their role whether they like it or not. The youth leader has to be on the same team as the parent. I have found that working with teenagers (even the best ones), they usually tell me just their side of the story. If I were to go ask their parent(s) about the situation, there would be new information involved. It’s amazing some of the details students tend to leave out when they are telling me their side of the story.
Since my family is just getting started, I want to hang around other families to see how they do it. My wife and I will talk about some of the things we see and we try to figure out if that’s how we want to do it or not. If you are a youth worker, why don’t you try and spend some time with a student AND their family? You could probably learn a lot about both!
That’s all I got for now, just had some things going through my mind about my work. I’m going to try and keep this blog up a little better than in the past. (2 years is too long!)
